dear green warheads:

why must you be so ridiculously sour? other "sour" things aren't nearly as toothsuck-inducing as you are. you're almost not even edible. but, alas, i have the solution. i drop you into a glass of water, wait until the white film of sourness disintegrates into the water, and then and ONLY then can i place you onto my tongue and taste your residual satisfying flavor. but don't worry, i've found a use for your discarded sour skin. it makes for a wonderfully fizzy green apple water. it's sort of like flavored vitamin water but not as thin. i'm disgusting, i know.