I NEED

a) to get out of default with my student loans so i can start receiving financial aid again and go to school
b) to find a job in austin
c) to find an apartment in austin
d) to find that fucking chapstick i just bought

i truly am

the last bastion.

best thing i've ever been told

"helping you is Draconian."

ha.

i mean, i really like the pixies, a lot, but the song "crackity jones" really grosses me out. maybe it's those feral noises he makes.

naaaa i really wanna see you

i decided today that this is definitely my favorite song ever.

we keep getting further and further

things of note:

-it has been impossible to find the zombies on vinyl. i don't understand. i even looked in a record store in austin. i guess that was my problem, though.

-i am officially growing my hair out. but before i could do that, i had to get a 'style' cut into it. so my fr ugh, this was even boring me to write.

-i'm going to albuquerque in a week with my pal liz because she wants to see the hot air balloon deal and i want to exacerbate my vertigo and do the sandia tram thing. if you don't know what i'm talking about, that's okay. i'm too lazy to look up what the actual names of the shit i'm talking about are.

-my uncle and his gf took me and liz out to a club on saturday night while i was in san antonio. he told me before we went that they played really good 80s music, like depeche mode and erasure, but that he hadn't been in a while. when we got there and i heard the music they were playing, i asked him if the last time he'd been there was actually in the 80s.

-we got the drunken "this is the alamo" tour by my uncle at 1:00 a.m.

the air is nice and crisp outside but it certainly doesn't warrant bubble jackets or peacoats. i see a lot of bike rides to the tall texan in my immediate future. (the tall texan is a country bar in the heights that serves .75 CHALICES of shiner.) i will be missing acl this year to go to new mexico but i really only wanted to see girls and beach house. oh wait.. and sonic youth. well, i've seen 2 out of 3 (haven't seen girls) and i'd rather go on a road trip.

i'll leave you (whoever you may be) with this music video of a song that has been stuck in my head since saturday night, thanks to that SUPER COOL club my uncle took us to.

HOLD UP--um, apparently this is enrique iglesias? i guess his motto is now that his mole is gone, he's redefining himself. this song truly sucks and i wish i could stop thinking about it.

dumb

I just saw some girls in peacoats, wtf? It's still like 65 degrees outside, calm down. I don't know why that annoys me so badly but it does. Houstonians are stupid.

10/6/10

i'm a lover of mostly every woody allen movie yet his newest effort, "you will meet a tall dark stranger," doesn't really pique my interest.



eh, who am i kidding. i'll probably go see it anyway.

cringe

today is "hug a vegetarian/vegan day." um, no thanks.

if you say so

so, i got called "the female clark kent" by an old drunk guy named butch last night, presumably because of my glasses. or it could be because of my heat vision, i guess.

yuss

the cranberries were the shit. are the shit? this video is fucking retarded, though, and dolores is totally rocking the 1998 look.

on a roll, it seems

just had to throw it out there that my stepdad is the shit. he used to buy me yikes pencils and trolls and more recently a copy of the little mermaid on vhs that he picked up from a garage sale. he knew i was missing it from my extensive collection, he said. man, prince eric used to give me a metaphorical boner. ew, that was kind of gross, to talk about boners and my stepdad in the same sentence. um, okay i'm going to stop now.

editor's note: hehe, if read quickly, it appears that i said my stepdad said that prince eric gave him a boner.

not the one with the girl with lyme disease

i don't know, reality tv seems like such an insipid thing now, but i remember being ENTHRALLED with the cast of the real world: miami in 1996. and i just found out i can watch all the episodes for free on my laptop. holy shit. i know what i'm doing this weekend.



editor's note: of course i can fucking watch it on my laptop, i could also watch it on a regular computer. i don't know why i made that bizarre distinction, as if the laptop were the only means of quenching my thirst for meaningless filth. hey, at least it's not the kardashians.

um

am I the only one who didn't know uncle phil was the voice of shredder in the original tmnt tv series?

When does a dream become a nightmare?

Good question.

miscommunication

i eat breakfast every day around 9 and lunch around noon. i don't eat a lot but enough, and always aim for something healthy. i don't load up on carbs that leave me superficially full or anything. so, then, why is it that every day at 3 pm i'm FUCKING STARVING LIKE I HAVEN'T EATEN SHIT ALL DAY?!

that was then

when i was younger, my parents would take me and my brothers with them to parties sometimes. it didn't happen too often and only when the housekeeper was going home for the weekend, i suppose. i recall everybody having something to do except for me. my brothers would hang out with my parents' friends' kids and i would play with the dog, if they had one, or wander into my parents' friends' bedrooms to scope out their adjoining bathrooms. i don't know what it was about bathtubs that enthralled me but i certainly measured a person's financial success by whether they had a bathtub with water jets and fancy soap and shit. but, i digress.

by the end of the evening, i'd find my mother sitting on a couch and go crawl into her lap, ostensibly to sleep. something was very comforting about the smell of wine on her breath and the way her chest would vibrate when she'd laugh as i laid against it. her laugh was a pretty, tinkling noise. something about the fact that i'm 25 now and suppose i'll never lay on my mother's chest again is so sad to me. i guess i could, but she's like 5 inches shorter and weighs about 50 pounds less than i do.

lucky for me

the power of the internet is amazing, or something. i just took an appointment for a prospective client who had a pretty sexy voice. i figured i'd look him on facebook as soon as we hung up and i did and he's fucking ugly and has a fade. that's a bummer. i'm always wrong about voice > face matches.

terrible and true

I sometimes always throw away pennies. i'm not in any financial position to throw any money away, but pennies seem so inconsequential. they just stick to gum wrappers in my purse and get my hopes up when i'm looking for silver coins. now, silver coins i keep. but admittedly, nickels are also kind of annoying. for their size, they're really not worth shit.

nu chus

got these at target for 16 bucks. faux suede. man, i go through man-made material shoes so quick! D:

i'm not able to upload the photo for some bs reason so here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/23905926@N07/4973677969/

considering this

i haven't had a perm since i was 12, i wonder if my hair would even take?

july playlist (almost forgot!)

burt bacharach - wives and lovers
passion pit - the reeling
the beach boys - caroline, no
al bowlly - time on my hands
stereolab - refractions in the plastic pulse
the zombies - hung up on a dream
the sea and cake - an echo in
clap your hands say yeah - the skin of my yellow country teeth
the velvet underground - i found a reason
phoenix - one time too many
the arcade fire - neighborhood #3 (power out)
king harvest - dancing in the moonlight
the sundays - love

more a reminder for myself than anything else

i need the following:

burt bacharach plays his hits on vinyl
pet sounds on vinyl (original, not the stupid urban outfitters reissue.)
zombies' "odessey and oracle" on vinyl
don't tell mom the babysitter's dead on vhs
drop dead fred on vhs
the turning point on vhs (for my mudder)

i need a new mattress. that's such an old person thing to buy.

somehow i doubt that.

groovy daddy

pictures of my dad playing guitar with one of his fraternity brothers, circa 1970-something

damn, boy

donovan was fucking smokin'. i never thought to look him up to see what he looked like, and i've always loved his music. i guess i just figured he was old because his voice was so deep. i so love his dark curls, mm mm.

nothing really

i used to think friday nights were the worst when you're lonely and depressed but turns out saturday mornings are even more so. i've never wanted a weekend to be over so bad in my life.

i was thinking

i tend to latch onto something and overdo it until i am nauseated by the thought of it. what i mean is, well, here: things that i've loved in spurts and then grown tired of because of my overdoing it-

1) peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
2) strawberry poptarts
3) mango/banana smoothies
4) egg sandwiches
5) pancakes with so much butter they fall apart
6) coke
7) jalapeno doritos
8) cherry tomatoes

and now, coffee. whee

need deez

ah

i know i've said otherwise, but archiving is a terrible, terrible thing.

june playlist

bobby helms - my special angel
etta james - i'd rather go blind
a flock of seagulls - space age love song
the church - under the milky way
paatos - happiness
charlotte gainsbourg - little monsters
billy idol - eyes without a face
echo & the bunnymen - the killing moon
the stone roses - i wanna be adored
baltimora - tarzan boy
spandau ballet - true
the high violets - sun baby
erasure - a little respect
pet shop boys - love comes quickly

eventually

time will pass and memories will blend together. almost to the point where i can't distinguish what i experienced and with who. (whom?) who did i sing "sometimes" by the strokes with at the top of my lungs in front of my old apartment on caroline st? there's other things, but i forgot, and i'm lazy.

the mission of the sacred heart

watching all the days roll by
who are you and who am i?

1985

just heard wings' "1985" on pandora. it came on randomly and stopped my heart for a second, i think.

may playlist

perez prado - go, go mambo
smokey robinson & the miracles - the tracks of my tears
guster - satellite
m83 - kim & jessie
the parliaments - don't be sore at me
crystal castles - magic spells
ella fitzgerald - bewitched
the zombies - i must move
lenny kravitz - it aint over til it's over
billy joel - allentown
camera obscura - forest and sands
sam cooke - try a little love
the isley brothers - this old heart of mine (is weak for you)

hottie

beautiful

that though the radiance which was once so bright be now forever taken from my sight, though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, glory in the flower; we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind.

--wordsworth, intimations of immortality

april playlist

air - sexy boy
electric light orchestra - waterfall
cocteau twins - squeeze-wax
bee gees - run to me
the flaming lips - it's summertime
nite jewel - suburbia
the zombies - beechwood park
albert hammond - it never rains in southern california
yo la tengo - let's save tony orlando's house
beach house - better times
phoenix - run
morrissey - suedehead

i've been duped

i thought all these people were reading my blog and shit, and it turns out that bots have seeped into the blog world and that's what's going on. hahaha. guess i should turn on that captcha bullshit or whatev.

my new crush

i saw beach house last night and let me say, 12 dollars well spent. it was packed and there was little to no a/c and beach house fans are all fucking tall and stood in front of me, but it was still a great show. and now i have an incredibly huge crush on victoria legrand.

















bitch knows how to rock a blazer.

oh, take me back!

what's the deal with everybody? spring fever? two people i know have recently announced their engagements, one of which is my dear friend liz. don't get me wrong, i'm happy for the happy couples but also feel odd about it all. and i'm not jealous, if that's what you're thinking. it's just that i feel confronted by my age, i guess, and by the fact that even if i wanted to get married, who would i marry? mom, if you're reading this, i know who you are thinking of.

um, anyway, what do i really care about societal pressures? i have a low paying job with little to no desire to change my current situation so boo-yah, fuck the naysayers or whatev.

although let's say i get married: django's "out of nowhere" will play for my first dance. guess i better learn how to dance to that style of music, actually. eh, i have probably fifteen years to worry about that.

me?

a friend told me that the following cartoon is me, looks and otherwise:

i wish it was the 60's i wish i could be happy i wish, i wish, i wish that something would happen

listening to the bends in san antonio is weird and i feel 14 again on my way to my shrink's office.

fish lady

this is out of order. i should have told you about bob before drunkenly posting my previous entry.

because i seem to have contracted florence nightingale syndrome, i've been caring for a sickly betta fish that i named bob. my boss bought the fish for her kids, wanting to expose them to pets and responsibility, but her kids grew bored with him and he eventually sat in his tiny bowl, surrounded by his own excrement and food, neglected and depressed. (i just re-read that and laughed at how exaggerated i can be.)

the point is, he wasn't cared for. so she brought him to the office and i took one look at him and decided i was going to nurse him back to health. i bought him a new tank, a water filter, some fake plants, gravel, a heater, and now some medicine to correct what seems to be "fin rot," brought on by the dirty water conditions he lived in before he became my project.

i didn't realize that i could care so much about a fish so quickly. actually, i didn't think they really had personalities, but i was so wrong. every time i walk by bob's tank, he flips around wildly and looks at me. when i crouch down to affectionately touch the glass with my finger, he swims right up against it. he's cute, and i love him. here's a picture of him:

betta bob and my first blog using capital letters, WOAH

I really love my fish bob. Everyday I go to work I check to see if he's still alive and let out a sigh of relief when I see he is. One day I know I'll show up and he will be floating (or sinking?) and I'll have a shitty day. Betta bob.

shitty

shitty
shitt
shit
shi
sh
s

music and booze and i'm blogging drunk, a strange first, sound the alarms

when you're drunk, like i am right now, you think you'll always want to feel this way, like youll always want
to listen to "why" by carly simon. i feel strangely content. i wish i were drinking red wine with my uncle
juan, actually. i'd be pleased and he'd probably bust out the bongos or something. he reminds
me of that counting crows song "mr. jones." is this about anything?

i no know html but i learn

slowdive - morningrise

the expansive sound of this song reminds me of being in a basement with blue light filtering in around 5:30 pm in the 90s. it has to be in the 90s. i've said this before.

anyway, 1:51 is the most beautiful part, if you want to call it that. haunting? i don't know. god, i'd suck writing for a music review magazine.

it really does bite

reality bites is showing tonight at discovery green. i got invited to go with nichole but i have to unpack and stuff. also, i feel weird about seeing that movie now. i'm so emo.

cool

the fifth dimension - portrait (1970)



this is a really cool album cover. it reminds me of my old room on my house on surrey, which was sponge painted pink, purple and another color i can't recall. light blue?

march playlist

al bowlly - guilty
lara and the trailers - sugar town
pavement - spit on a stranger
burt bacharach - 24 hours from tulsa
garbage - vow
the 5th dimension - this is your life
the zombies - what more can i do
angelo badalamenti - twin peaks theme
beach house - 10 mile stereo
girls - laura
beck - lonesome tears
thom yorke - black swan
white town - your woman
yann tiersen - sur le fil
patrinell staten - little love affair
ginuwine - differences
electric light orchestra - wishing

onward

this picture i have in my wallet, it really hurts to look at it, but i don't know what to do with it, because i don't want to get rid of it. i feel that someday i'll be able to look at it again, on those little eyes and innocent smile.

oh yeah, i'm moving today.

what's worse?

i was going to pose this hypothetical question but i think i know my own answer, anyway. oh, foresight.

in other news, my back hurts, and i'm still at work, and i've eaten fucking subway twice today. disgusting. i wouldn't even eat it once if i didn't have to. i'm just so tired of tofu lo mein.

wah, wah.

this entry won't appear in my blog history without a title, for some reason

neat

excuse my absence, i've been busy slaving away at my job.

i may have a car at my disposal very, very soon!

watching people eat meat really disgusts me, and it didn't use to, but now it does. i guess that's how this works.

jesse james is the new tiger woods?!!!!!

agent cooper is fine as helllllllll.

halloween

so while all my friends spent the weekend in austin, i stayed home and watched the entire two seasons of twin peaks, one of my favorite shows. anyway, i decided that this halloween i am going to dress up as log lady. i'll probably end up really drunk by the end of the night and abandon my log but it's an idea. i realize that it's several months from now but i like planning these things. this past year i was dead sharon tate and got too drunk to support my fake pregnant stomach which was really a shirt that ended up unraveling and that i peed on towards the end of the night.

i googled log lady and looks like some dumb hipster bitch already beat me to this idea, but that's okay, i'll make a better log lady.

*here's another one!ugh!

missed connection

You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen - m4w - 21 (houstoned)
Date: 2010-03-18, 12:11AM CDT
Reply To This Post

When you smile at me with those gorgeous eyes, you completely make me lose any thought I had on my mind, and all I can think about is how perfect you are. When I stare at you, I completely lose it on the inside, but you probably can't tell, because I am cool and calm on the outside.

There is just something about you, I really think you are an angel. I don't think we will ever be together though, because i'm just not your "type," you never said that, but i can tell. It seems like i'm not most girls type. I'm so sick of getting rejected, played out, led on, having some other guy get picked over me. I don't understand that all. I'm so good looking, smart, funny, and sweet. I would love you with all my heart, and treat you like you are a princess, and you would mean the world to me. But if you want to be with that uglier, half ass version of me, so be it. I really want to fuck the shit out of you.

just thought you'd like to know

i'm dead tired. i'm going to get a haircut in a bit. (NEW HAIR, NEW LIFE!)

i think i'm going to buy a dart board for my garage. i like saying "my garage." also, i think i might invest in a washer and dryer for my garage.

i'm trying to convince nichole to sell me her green couch, it's fucking amazing and smells like mothballs. if she doesn't sell it to me, i will be pissed. no, not really. actually i really wonder if it would attract more cat hair than a regular couch because of the material? hmm.

i don't like it like this

i still haven't figured out how to do something other than embed stupid usermade videos from youtube. anyway, great song.

snobby me

okay so maybe i'm being petty but seeing all the blogs i follow on another person's list is annoying. especially when i know they cut out the legwork. what am i, 12? yeah okay but still. i remember whining to mom about my middle school best friend, coral, my cries falling on unsympathetic ears. "she had never even HEARD of the rocky horror picture show until i showed her and now she says it's HER favorite movie, too!" mom: "imitation is the highest form of flattery."

r.i.p. alex chilton

post no. 101

i finally joined netflix. now what the fuck do i order? i don't think i've seen anything that came out after 2006. i'm sort of stuck in 90's vhs mode.

i'll probably just order twin peaks and get reacquainted with it.

sail along, silvery moon

two blue hearts will seem lighter, you'll understand.

blogging from my phone is tedious

my entries are starting to be more about my mundane activities than anything else, which is boring. i just don't feel impressed with anything enough to write about it. or maybe it's just that so much else is going on that talking about it is cathartic, or something. um, not to say that everything is bad, it's not. i got the apartment on vassar, so the next couple of weeks will be spent packing. i may start next week, though, because i want to go to austin this weekend.

let me back up: this weekend was bizarre. friday i had delicious indian food with alan and tom and then went home to sleep. saturday i spent all day with nichole and accompanied her while she did her job, taking pictures of foreclosed homes and listening to ace of base. that in itself will get it's own entry later because nichole's boss is crazy and i took pictures.

saturday night: tacos a gogo, some country bar and the mink, drunkenly running back and forth between the three adjacent establishments. wrapped up the night watching the great gatsby and swooning over a young robert redford.

sunday: made plans to go to the beach but it got late and before i knew it, it was too dark and cold. ate pizza and watched the office with my cats.

everything feels so lackluster and empty. i imagine it always will. i hope not, though.

currently listening to: burt bacharach - walk on by
mood: complacent

(lol)

what else

my coworker, ruthy, has put her two weeks notice in. this means that i'm going to absorb her job duties on top of the ones i already have. this means more money, yes, but also a lot more responsibility. migraine headaches forthcoming.

i really want to go to the beach this weekend. it's beautiful outside and it won't be like this for long. i know of a few people that want to go so i'll probably just tag along.

alan just told me my apartment looks like what he imagines the back of half price books looks like. (vhs tapes and books scattered about.) he made fun of me for watching "singles" alone with my cat. maybe i'm the only person that doesn't see anything wrong with that scenario?

i may or may not go to sxsw. i really want to see liz and a few other friends that i haven't seen in a while, but i hate austin, and i hate music festivals. i doubt i'll even go to the free press summer fest. maybe i will, though. it's a few months away.

being depressed is sort of comforting in a strange way. i'm going to go eat indian food now with friendz, bye.

dear green warheads:

why must you be so ridiculously sour? other "sour" things aren't nearly as toothsuck-inducing as you are. you're almost not even edible. but, alas, i have the solution. i drop you into a glass of water, wait until the white film of sourness disintegrates into the water, and then and ONLY then can i place you onto my tongue and taste your residual satisfying flavor. but don't worry, i've found a use for your discarded sour skin. it makes for a wonderfully fizzy green apple water. it's sort of like flavored vitamin water but not as thin. i'm disgusting, i know.

i love this song

1-4

what's new with me, see:

1. i am getting an amazing apartment, moving in april 1st, on vassar street, the street in the aforementioned blog. it's a garage apartment, and the garage is mine, too. it has a back patio and a driveway. the hardwood floors are really nice and the kitchen is adorable. the best part is it's only 600 dollars a month. i don't know how i find such good deals!

2. i have been watching the american office, which is really weird, because i firmly believe the uk one is better but i like the direction the american one is going in. that is, i'm only on season 4 and i don't know anything about season 6, which is the season currently airing on nbc. AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, SO DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

3. i bought this really cool "furbuster" comb for the cats. it sheds off all the loose hairs. this is a very promising tool, because my cats are hairy as fuck and leave their hair all over my furniture. i tried to comb ira with it but he cried and acted like a baby about it so i only got maybe 1/2 lb. of hair off him. i know the comb didn't even hurt him because i tested it on myself and i would never hurt my babies.

4. i've been hanging a lot more with hannah and that's awesome, even though all we do is laundry and eat and go to target. it's really fun. i'm boring.

i need to think of a new URL and title (and direction, really) for this blog. input appreciated.

living spaces

the girl who listed the apartment called me and i am going to see it tomorrow! then i got a call back about another garage apartment i'd inquired about on colquitt close to my old apartment and i'm going to see it on monday. i took my bike out for the first time in a while and rode around my neighborhood and scoped out apartments and one that i saw on vassar is renting for really cheap and i'm going to see IT tomorrow. vassar is a really private and tucked away street that winds in a curvy way and has lots of trees. not long ago, i'd told a friend of mine that i wanted to live in a certain house on that street. they have a sun room of sorts with all glass walls. it's the kind of room you'd want to drink wine in at 6:42 pm on a night like this.

it's just been one of those weeks

my roommate is too wrapped up in impressing his girlfriend or whatever she is to pay rent on time, i just found out from the current owner of my old car that all it needed was brake fluid and not new brakes,my front doorknob is all loose for some reason, i can't go anywhere this weekend even if i wanted to because i have to work and don't want to get into any sort of situation that i'm not ready for, i am angry and pmsing and annoyed and oh yeah the funny thing is i got a text last night from somebody i haven't spoken to in a while and this person just wanted the number of a person i know and i told him i didn't have it but i really did and just felt like being an uncooperative bitch. fuck this week. i wish it were this weekend that the river oaks was showing casablanca because i'd go watch it alone.

oh yeah and i'm having some sort of allergic reaction to something i ate and the corners of my mouth are red and inflamed and painful. and i have been dying for a cigarette all week. i haven't smoked in several months and i just want to smoke a pack right now.

pleas, please

help
i'm fucking drowning
and this huge manatee won't get off of me
i think he's going to crush my lungs

spring reading list

and also wisconsin death trip by michael lesy, which i couldn't find an image for.

i am lost, so i am cruel

archiving the web

i'm probably one of the last people to discover this, as usual, but i found this website, http://web.archive.org, that took screen shots of different websites throughout the years in their different developmental stages. in other words, if i wanted to remember what livejournal looked like back in 1999 when i actually had a livejournal account, a click of the mouse and voila. i'm disgusted and enthralled.

some of my favorite archived pages:

http://web.archive.org/web/19981212020756/rock.yahoo.com/
early yahoo music, you'd type in a band name and 50 similar artists would pop up. i owe all of my knowledge of bands as a child to this tool.

http://web.archive.org/web/20000815052956/geocities.yahoo.com/home/
geocities! learning how to use hmtl! sparkly backgrounds and lime green italicized times new roman font! page counters!

http://web.archive.org/web/19981207055015/http://www.mirc.com/
irc chatting at its finest. pinging, slapping with trouts, trivia chat rooms, ops (@) and voices (+), scripts, winnuking! i'll always remember my favorite server was jade.va.us.dal.net

http://web.archive.org/web/19970218072527/http://www.gap.com/
the gap was my favorite store as a 12 year old. i think i like this link purely because it reminds you how disgusting gap's logo used to be. i particular remember that white tag with boring black font in all my khaki pants.

if you don't mind the occasional broken image link and feel like a trip down memory lane, i highly suggest taking a look at this awesomely nostalgic website.

my ever growing vhs collection

i never thought i'd be the type of person to collect movies. i mean, sure - i like movies, but lately all i spend my time doing is watching them. i think i've spent like thirty bucks at half price books on dollar clearance vhs movies in the past two weeks. i like the collection i've got going, too:

200 cigarettes 
a hard day's night
all about my mother
almost famous
american beauty
american graffiti
american psycho
an affair to remember
annie hall
as good as it gets
back to the future
bambi
bananas
beetlejuice
being john malkovich
the big chill
breakfast at tiffany's
the breakfast club
bridges of madison county
casablanca
chasing amy
clerks
clockwork orange
clueless
copycat
the craft
crimes and misdemeanors
cruel intentions
dancer in the dark
dial m for murder
the discreet charm of the bourgeoisie
dumb and dumber
e.t.
edward scissorhands
empire records
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
everyone says i love you
faces 
fantasia
fargo
fast times at ridgemont high
fear
ferris bueller's day off
ghost in the shell
the graduate
grease
groundhog day
hannah and her sisters
happiness
heathers
high fidelity 
home alone
home alone 2: lost in new york
igby goes down
interview with the vampire
jfk
kids
kids in the hall: brain candy
klute
labyrinth 
the land before time
legends of the fall
the little mermaid
little shop of horrors
lolita (the one with jeremy irons)
love and death
mallrats 
meet joe black
the mighty ducks
mrs. doubtfire
the neverending story
the neverending story ii: the next chapter
now, voyager
one flew over the cuckoo's nest
the pelican brief
pretty in pink
the princess bride
pulp fiction
raising arizona
reality bites 
rear window
risky business 
robin hood (disney)
rocky horror picture show
romeo & juliet (franco zeffirelli's)
romeo & juliet (baz luhrmann's)
romy and michelle's high school reunion
rosemary's baby
the royal tenenbaums
rushmore
sabrina (the one with harrison ford)
the sandlot
say anything
scream
selena
serendipity 
sex, lies, and videotape 
shag
the shining 
sideways 
sixteen candles
the sound of music 
st. elmo's fire
stardust memories
suburbia 
teenage mutant ninja turtles
the talented mr. ripley
the truth about cats and dogs
this is spinal tap
to kill a mockingbird
toy story
uncle buck
valley girl
valley of the dolls
wayne's world
welcome home roxy carmichael
what about bob?
what have i done to deserve this?
when harry met sally
where the boys are
wild at heart
willy wonka and the chocolate factory
wizards

february playlist

bill withers - lovely day
the rolling stones - she smiled sweetly
french kicks - love in the ruins
coldplay - don't panic
stevie wonder - my cherie amour
elvis - suspicious minds
slowdive - machine gun
cocteau twins - summerhead
radiohead - reckoner
paul mccartney - goodnight tonight
sa-ra creative partners - melodee n'mynor
joe hisaishi - merry-go-round of life
ryuichi sakamoto - bibo no aozora
patsy cline - crazy

holy shit, it's fuckin' march.

an open letter to my late grandmother

dear grandma:

i've come to realize that everybody i've ever known has had a love/hate relationship with me. it's a very passive aggressive thing, really. i don't know what it is about me that is so polarizing but to say the least i'm amused. i think the only people that like and love me unconditionally are mom and my cats. okay, so that's only one person.

anyway, i need a haircut. you would agree. you always liked it short, black and shiny, like a cap of hair, you'd say. i think i'll let it grow out this time, though. we'll see.

i wonder what you're doing all the time and if you are watching me shower. i wonder a lot of things but i don't intend to get theological or anything. mostly, mom and i wonder if you're mad at us.

oh, and i hope you don't mind but last time i went to laredo, i stayed in your old room and took some dr. bonner's organic rose soap to bring home with me. look, you left like three bottles and they were just sitting there and they're like 12 bucks a bottle around here, so.

it's weird; the week before you died, i listened to that cassette tape of you teaching me how to read. it's labeled december of 1987. hearing it then gave me a strange lump in my throat, sort of how i feel right now. i really wish i could hear your voice just once more. truthfully, if you were haunting me or something, i'd be scared shitless so please come to me in a dream or something.

before i end this letter, i wanted to tell you about last weekend. i went to see a palm reader with my friend. i know you're already balking, but she told me some really uncanny things! i wish you could tell me if she said anything valid or if i got robbed. she said i would live to be 94. jeez.

well, see ya someday, i hope. not too soon, though.

love,

v

nothing to it

at mall del norte, in laredo, you can have your shoes shined while listening to local musicians play the pan flute.

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i saw a late night commercial one late night. a kid of five or six with blonde hair tells his grandpa, "whatever you want grandpa, as much as you want!" i think it was for cereal, or something.

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your wife is weird, because she cries for flowers. also, i remember twenty-year old you with your wine stained lips and worried eyes. i wish i hadn't deleted that link. fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.

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i think i was nine, maybe ten, definitely getting into the ages where i should know better or at least have some sort of shame, but i'd get out of bed every night when i was sure my parents were asleep and i'd dance in front of my full-length mirrors which were really closet doors. i'd dance to the swan lake ballet, and my hair would whip around me and my nose would run. if i heard anybody coming down the hall, i'd jump into my bed and pretend i was asleep, my heart pounding wildly. it's almost the way i'd jump from the entrance of my room at the door to my bed, a good six feet away. i'd pretend my carpet was really shark-infested water. it wasn't, obviously, but sometimes i'd find tacks in the bottom of my foot that had fallen from one of my many hanson posters.

the altar boy

i came into town to see my mother. while i've been here, i've seen two horrible movies (valentine's day, the wolfman), haven't had enough protein, and i've gone to mass with my mother. the mass was being given in honor of my late grandmother and that's the only reason we went to this church. "it's not my normal parish," my mom explained.

i flat out detest going to mass. i decided this time that i would listen with an open mind and try to absorb something from the sermon since i'd have to be there for an hour anyway. i'd try and make the best of it, if you will. as it turned out, this mass was entirely dedicated to asking churchgoers for money for the diocese of laredo, or something. i don't know, i tuned out, you see. i started staring at the altar boy instead and wondering what he was thinking about. he couldn't have been more than 13 years old. he was overweight, sullen, with floppy black hair in his eyes, and he sat there next to the priest, fidgeting and sighing. "i bet this kid listens to my chemical romance," i thought.

i never thought i'd see this kid again, and yet i saw him the very next day outside of the theater at the mall, with his circle of friends. he was wearing black baggy pants and a black t-shirt and also a collar with spikes. it was kind of disgusting to see him outside of the church and not wearing his white robe. i wish i hadn't seen him, either.

what is the meaning of this?

this is an ad i saw on my facebook home page, evidently geared towards mothers trying to go back to school. a strange picture choice, though.

strength

there is no definition for "undeserving" on dictionary.com, yet i know that word is real.

b vitamins make my piss really neon

a potato wrapped in a pink blanket, just born.

it reminds me of that mogwai video "stanley kubrick" but really only in that there's a potato family in it.

i'm really referring to a rock my boss has on her windowsill, with pink construction paper taped around it. her daughter did that for her when she came to work with her. that was the same day she destroyed all the dry erase markers and cut little hearts out of this citation that was waiting for service.

my boss just brought me french fries from whataburger. this is highly unusual.

i really only have one reader, not counting all those random comments i get in chinese characters, and that alone will keep this blog alive. thank you, reader. i really don't write these with you in mind, yet you are in my intended audience at the same time.

mom, thank you.

make sandwiches for the rest of the week

my mouse scrolly-rolling ball thing isn't working, and i'm having to use the scroll bar on the side of the screen instead. how annoying.

right now, i have to take a shit. tomorrow, i'm going to see tom green's stand up in some bullshit comedy club. i can't believe i'm going, but i actually really like tom green. i haven't been to a comedy club in a while.

saturday is LADIES NIGHT.



every night should be ladies night, if ladies night means dancing and drinking and crying and snorting and crying and oh i'm kidding.

i have to take my stupid phone to the apple store so they can fix the camera on it. the shutter won't open anymore for some irritating reason. i looked on apple forums and everybody that has had the same problem as me got their phone wet. my phone never got wet. i wonder what they will think of me, these apple workers, technicians or whatever they are, when they go through my phone and see that i have 67 photos of my cat.

january playlist

mayer hawthorne - a strange arrangement
beach boys - dierdre
crystal castles - vanished
grizzly bear - two weeks
smashing pumpkins - the end is the beginning is the end
friendly fires - lovesick
gilbert o'sullivan - alone again (naturally)
prince - controversy
girls - hellhole ratrace
beach house - walk in the park
the flamingos - i only have eyes for you
elo - wishing
lee fields & the expressions - the only one loving you
phoenix - honeymoon
yo la tengo - madeline

carrots are good

i never thought carrots were good until about three minutes ago. i mean, i'd eat them without much complaint, but i never truly appreciated their flavor and form until now. i hear they're good for your eyes, too. as my mom pointed out, you never see a rabbit with glasses, do you?

perspective from a maladjusted teenager

this is the sort of crowd i bring.